The Second Event

Admittedly, I got to this blog post later than I wanted to. Initially, I had hoped that under ideal circumstances, I would follow up an event the night of/day after with a blog entry that sums up the experience. Well, I am two days past the event now, and it still took a tremendous amount of focus to make sure I could create a peaceful space of reflection in which I could give this project the attention I feel it deserves now.

That being summed up, I am simply hooked and cannot let go of this idea. It has spread it’s little inspirational tentacles into every part of my life and I am simply, for lack of better phrasing right now, breaking my back to make sure I can switch to making this work and doing what I hope it will do, so that in turn, people can grow to love it as much as I do now.

I digress and may be rambling but it is simply me, sitting here in my recliner, with my cheap little clearance massage pad trying to put words into something I feel is beyond that now. However, I truly feel within the depths of my soul that I should try because what the second event showed me is I can’t stop this even if my body hurts and I am tired now.

I keep finding myself trying to control variables of this project and every time I do, something wildly wonderful and unexpected happens in which I have to step back, humble myself, adjust, and move forward knowing this is something taking shape that is just much bigger than me now and accept that reality, however small that may be, that it might grow faster than I want. So now, I am moving with careful purpose in that respect, in order to give this project the attention I feel it deserves while making sure I don’t abandon the parts of my life I’ve built so far that also require that same level of careful attention. It truly is a beautiful balancing act that is so utterly and indescribably fulfilling that I just won’t accept anything less from myself now.

With all of that in mind, I am going to do my darndest to piece together some sort of coherent summary of the second event, and just where this whole thing is going to go next so that just maybe, if you weren’t there to experience it for yourself, you don’t miss out on some of the magic I’ve been left with to process. I sincerely hope that makes some remote semblance of sense to whoever may be reading this now.

I tried to absorb the first event, take it for what it was, adjust accordingly and move forward. To me, that meant I knew very little; simply that I needed this original canvas, some additional canvasses, a way to piece them together and the same set of Posca Pens that made that first event magic so wonderful. Anything else at this point was just noise and I had one day to push forward, let go of my anxiety’s need to control everything and just hope for the best. What actually happened was still so much different than I expected despite my attempts to control this whole thing.

What I had failed to consider is event one would be mostly adults and event two would likely be lots of families with children and that was not a variable I was fully prepared to embrace. We then were faced with wind, which to any vendor is just quite frankly a nightmare to deal with or try to prepare for and have an appealing display. Fortunately, that was one thing we had run into enough that we could adjust accordingly so this little project here could have my undivided attention. We set up like a well oiled machine and with some due diligence, when that wind hit we only needed VERY minor adjustments and I could let my partner in chaos and my fiance, Andy, take charge of this project so I could hopefuly at least sell enough to make my vendor fee back; a humble goal I have set for myself to not be an anxious little introvert and just keep trying to be an art vendor and not feel like a failure, to be brutally honest for a moment.

Now, I have hopefully set the scene for you appropriately, and if not, I will try to do better next time. In the effort of trying to learn to build a website I did a scary thing and clicked a button for this blog that said allow comments. I hope I won’t regret that later but in the vein of this thing being more than me, I feel I should mention that and welcome feedback and all I ask in return is to just please keep that interaction kind so we can all ride this wave wherever it takes us. Okay? Cool. Let’s move on.

Suddenly, while other vendors were fighting the wind, we were able to divert attention with a simple question… “Would you like to color?” I had expected many adults would treat that with the sort of whimsy event one had and take it as an opportunity to take a much needed break from reality and just color with us. That, anonymous reader, is not what happened. What did, was every kid that passed looked at their parental figures or trusted adults with pleading eyes wanting to color. Now, from being an educator I know the chaos children can cause despite not having any of my own but it was too late now. Andy had his role and I had mine and despite my anxiety, I couldn’t watch the canvas and run my booth this time so I just had to let go no matter how much my anxiety begged me not to. I found ways to give Andy gentle advice to hopefully not have my expensive acrylic markers get obliterated in the process and help him just corral the chaos and I had to just humble myself yet again and hope for the best. After all, I released this thing into the wild and that was MY choice so the only right thing to do to not break a bunch of kids’ hearts now and look like a jerk was to just have a little faith in my partner… and well, humanity; and maybe just a little good old fashioned childhood innocence…

I mean really, WE were asking people “Would you like to color?”

Looking back now, how did I not expect this was inevitable?

My only lesson there is simply hindsight is 20/20.

Now, I could sit here trying to tell you all the little stories about each doodle we ended up with and why they are so special but honestly I don’t think that’s what this should be right now. I think I should just simply ask that if at any point you want to truly understand this whole thing, you just have to try to come to a future event and come over and doodle for yourself. I wish I could give you something more satisfying than that, but I would ultimately be doing this whole thing a disservice by trying.

So instead, let me try to sum up the event and leave you with the pictures of the result, come what may and hope that by doing that, you’ll come see us in person someday and we can ask you…

“Would you like to color?”

And you, anonymous reader, will say yes.

I can promise nothing else right now except it truly is something you just have to do for yourself no matter how much I might try to put into words what that is like. Some people might look at these images or what I chose to document and see a wicked mess of scribbles but for those who come see us at our booth, they know it’s so much more that. It really is that simple at it’s core.

At the end of the event when I had time to finally slow down, see the canvas, take a couple days to recover, that is what I am left with. So instead of trying to sum up the event as a whole I think the best thing I can leave you with is the magic I felt while we all packed up, because honestly, it is what got me here and made me rethink everything I thought I wanted to do as an artist. I watched exhausted vendors pleading with their children to leave us alone while we struggled to pack up ourselves, hydrate and process the several hours of chaotic wonder that just happened before our eyes. I only knew that in that moment I didn’t want those kids to stop and my final act before going home needed to be letting that chaos do what it was going to do naturally and reassure the parents they could pack up, we were fine with it and they weren’t bothering us. I am going to save some of the special things that happened as a result of that decision as things I will treasure forever but what I will choose to share with you is that despite all of my anxiety…

All of my Posca Pens came home with caps, undamaged and that if you are a parent, or an educator or anyone that works with children in any capacity you know how huge that is.

You just do.

I also feel it’s important I add this next detail, not to make anyone feel shame or anything negative, but to provide truth and context necessary to convey what I am desperately trying to convey. With that being said, even though we were absolutely last to go home, what made that wholeheartedly worth the soreness and two days of recovery was that we also got to bring home more doodles that, while unbridled chaos to those who didn’t watch it develop, is something my partner and I could not stop taking about and staring at and sharing how it all came to be. Yes, some things from night one got colored over and I was a little sad about that but I think that’s why this part is important too. I can curate little ways to preserve each step along the way, so that those who loved their doodles, don’t feel quite as sad if they disappear over time and then in turn, I can just let this whole thing do what it is genuinely going to do and not feel like I am letting anyone down which will let me shut my anxiety up for even just a few hours during an event, so that me, and my partner in chaos, Andy, can ask you…

Would you like to color?

Simply put, that is enough and the only major alteration I am going to make going forward is to humbly put out a tip jar in the hopes that those who fall in love with this whole mess as much as Andy and I have, will toss a buck or two in if they can because I am not doing this to become rich but the reality is that canvas, paint markers, vendor fees and more are at play here and if I want to keep doing this, those things require money. In putting so much focus on this project, I did make my vendor fee and a little back but that isn’t a formula that will let me sustain the level of energy and time and materials it looks like this project is going to require of me. So, humbly, that is my solution which leaves you several choices to help keep this going that hopefully make the correct impression I am hoping to convey. I can’t make you believe me but I can just tell you the truth and hope you’ll take that at face value even if you don’t know me. I just know that right now, I am definitely a starving artist who makes a lot happen on very little money and I don’t want that to stop me from keeping this going. So in the same vein of this whole thing being bigger than me now, after event two, that is the only change I am promising and with that, you all have choices to support me going forward that both do and don’t cost money so I can let the people who say yes, doodle entirely for free if they so choice. Simply following the journey on social media, here and sharing it with others is the 100% free choice. Many are choosing to take pictures of this along the way too, so I will always say yes to that and humbly ask to tag me on social media if you post them. Those things cost zero money and are genuinely the life blood of something like this. However, if you can I will humbly ask to either buy my art, leave us a tip at events or tap that little tip button that says “buy me a coffee” on my website that I will hopefully have had time to change to say something more fitting like “Posca Pen Fund.”

Lastly, I can attempt to leave you with the pictures and short video so you can see the results for yourself. I am beyond nervous and excited for event three, which because of the nature of it, is going to look a bit different but you are just going to have to wait and see what that means for the next blog post. I might not want to do that but I also acknowledge that if I were to just give you, anonymous reader, what you might want right now, this entry would never end and let’s be honest, no one wants that. We as humans have short attention spans for the most part so I want to try to keep these entries as short as I can while also simply trying to capture this whole experience in words. So, if you want to see where I will be next I will always update my events page on this website and if it is within my means, this project will just come with me to each one.

That is something I CAN promise you.

Beyond that, I am just trying to move forward responsibly and just not let this whole thing fizzle out because I truly believe it is too special now to let that happen.

Now that I have gotten past my possibly unsuccessful attempt at being real, and using some fourth wall breaks for comedic relief for a moment, I think we can try to end this whole thing cordially and on the same page… Once again, I would like to take moment to thank each and every doodle artist, big or small, adult or child, for their contributions during event two. You have all been giving me a breath of life I have sorely needed for far too long. So thank you so much for just doing one thing, and saying yes to…

“Would you like to color?”

The First Canvas

Some things are disappearing from event one but what has replaced it is equally beautiful in its own right.

Event Two Addition: Flowers

Many didn’t want to touch this one. I hope they do next time now that a few brave humans have.

Event Two Addition: Black Canvas with White Splatter

This was the blank slate people favored. I wonder what will happen to it next time?

The whole thing. There is so much to take in but I think that’s what makes it so appealing.

A closer look at the doodles.